You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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