my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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