Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
That's when you crack a 10am beer
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
