I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
