Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
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