i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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