i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
