i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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