AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
