as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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