Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
