I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
