whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
