Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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