I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
