My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
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i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
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Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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