I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
