Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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