nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
