Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I am available for nakedness
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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