This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
my sisters under your porch take her home
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
