you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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