they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
