You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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