Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
