Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
