Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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