sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
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