You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
