He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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