Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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