His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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