First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
