i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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