If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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