Me too!
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
