Tell her she can't have a vagina
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
