dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize