Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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