how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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