Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
