Moan for me like Helen Keller
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
