Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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