You're completely useless in the revolution.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Randomize
