Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
babies were throwing up all over the place
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
