we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
