so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
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I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
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He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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