very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
