I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I fill condoms, not promises.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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