i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
