Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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