The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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