my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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