He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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