worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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