I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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