does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
