So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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