We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I have aggressive nipples.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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