shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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