Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I still have a little drunk in my system
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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