Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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