you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
