Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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