Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I wish i was in the wii world.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
