guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
