apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
