Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
