Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
