I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
