This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
