My friends, they love my intelligence
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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